When we no longer project the wounding of our core story – either onto someone else – or onto the world at large, we begin to come to terms with ourselves: our sensitivities and our beliefs about life and its representatives, beginning with our parents. We come to better know our blind-spots, our weaknesses, and...

A place in which I see couples, in my private practice, stumble and blame one another is where one party acts based on the unconscious assumption that the other is responsible for “pushing my buttons.” What is actually happening is that a story of our core wounding, as I’ve written, is being triggered. For instance,...

Often in the life of a couple, a conflict appears that has deeper roots than the present situation. Sometimes we’re not able to truly listen or hear our partner’s point of view. This is often due to us being unaware in a particular moment that our partner’s actions, words, or views are resonating with a...

Attachment theory is an empirically proven and very useful portal into the ways in which we can experience and manage stress in our most intimate relationships, such as, with our partner or spouse or children and adult children, as well. However, rather than reading problems resulting from difficulties with early attachment bonds as your parents’...

Have you noticed that when an upsetting feeling arises, that there are usually ideas attached to that feeling – ideas that are largely unseen and taken as facts when they have nothing to do with what is really true? I’m going to use the word “story” here to mean our continuous stream of thoughts. These...

Of course, it’s easy to act respectfully when our partner agrees with us. But what happens when our partner disagrees or doesn’t like the way that we’ve been acting and actually tells us so? This is where the practice of relating respectfully is most relevant. It’s the rubber meeting the road of our own emotional...

In the spirit of paying attention to what doesn’t work and don’t do that: From the relationship’s perspective: Arguments just don’t work. Arguments usually isolate us rather than bring us together. Instead, it is important that we try to understand the OTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE and communicate that perspective, prior to our own, to one another. To...

Why It Is Important to Develop Individual and Relational Maturity Generally speaking, couples come to my psychotherapy practice, whether they know it or not, with problems that are remedied by developing a greater sense of both individual and relational maturity. Rather than being aware of this root of so much discord, each person tends to...

The ways in which we respond to our own challenging and often difficult thoughts and feelings, as well as to those of others, is both a hallmark and test of our maturity. However, it is not uncommon that a mood may overcome us, momentarily interrupting or even sabotaging our relationships with those we care about...

Why It’s Important to be Aware of Your Feelings When there is a rough moment between you and someone else, you may find yourself to be automatically upset. Someone says something you don’t care for, and you’re upset. It’s quite immediate. If you can identify to yourself how you feel in that moment, then there’s...

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