In the spirit of paying attention to what doesn’t work and don’t do that:
From the relationship’s perspective:
Arguments just don’t work. Arguments usually isolate us rather than bring us together. Instead, it is important that we try to understand the
OTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE and communicate that perspective, prior to our own, to one another. To truly listen, we must listen to the other person’s perspective. Then, as we address any conflict from the “We”, there emerges a quality of morale between us. We realize that even with our differences, we are on the same page of making the effort to understand and be understood by the other.
“What I heard you as saying is…”
“Is that right?”
“Am I understanding you correctly?”
This might be difficult at first because our minds are habitually conditioned to assert ourselves, especially when we have an emotional reaction as in a conflict. But first, in order to avoid an argument, we must try to listen to the other person perspective before asserting our own. We can begin to see that what appears as a conflict is really that which is important to each of us – the on-going cultivation and communication of an attitude of the “We.” This is necessary for a successful, rewarding, and harmonious relationship. This is the walk of the perspective of the relationship itself. This may involve some practice. Try practicing this in your daily relationships.